 Prayer Beads And Recovery Jewelry Made Exclusively For The Twelve Step Community SHOPS {PRAYER BEADS {JEWELRY |
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{ ABOUT GWEN R. { ABOUT PRAYER BEADS { ADDICTIONS { CONTACT { HELP { LINKS { PRAYERS { STORIES { TWELVEBEADS SITES { USE OF PRAYER BEADS TWELVEBEADS PROUDLY SUPPORTS { SoberMusicians { SoberSources { TheSoberVillage { SoberTeensOnline ©GwenR2008 TwelveBeads is not affiliated with any twelve step program TwelveBeads Birth Date 9-24-2005 |
BACK Hello, my name is Elizabeth and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 12, 1993. My sponsor is Ethel H. and my home group is Casalan. I am one of seven children. Five girls and two boys. Never a dull moment in our house growing up. As a child I always wanted to be the center of attention and that was close to impossible being one of seven. My parents did the best they could raising us. We went to church on Sundays and always had dinner together. I believe I was born an alcoholic. Alcoholism ran in the family. I always had an addictive personality. Before I found booze and drugs I found cigarettes (still smoke). I always wanted to try and fit in so when my friends started smoking I did also to fit in and be cool. I was always looking for something outside of myself to be happy. I realize today that that is an inside job. I can’t remember my fist drink but I do remember my first drunk. I was thirteen and my friends and I got drunk on Boones Farm and Mad Dog 20-20. I remember how good I felt. I got caught, but I couldn’t wait to do it again. I chased that feeling for many years and didn’t quite get that euphoria again. It wasn’t long before my drinking increased. I never knew when enough was enough. I was a black out drinker from the get go. I threw up a lot, blacked out and had a lot of unexplained cuts, scrapes and bruises. All through this time I finished high school and tried to go to college. I decided to get a job with the State and really learn how to drink and get high. I won’t get too much into my drug use except to say that when I was drinking I was always doing some kind of drug. The two went hand in hand. Along with the drinking and drugging I loved to have unhealthy relationships. I always picked the guys that were worse then me so I could focus on how bad they were. This helped me to not have to look at myself. I loved playing the victim. I thank God for the last sick relationship I had because that is what got me into the rooms of AA. The person I was with finally got help for his alcoholism, after all he was really bad. I got nervous thinking I was going to have to stop drinking because he had to. I did stop and became a “periodic drinker“. I only drank and got high when this person went to his meetings(which was every day). I drank Vodka because everyone knows you can’t smell vodka. I even went to Al-Anon because it was so hard to live with him. How sick was I? Needless to say I felt uncomfortable at Al-Anon because they were talking about me!!!!!!!!! I was still not ready to admit I was an alcoholic. To me that was a bum in a trench coat, in the street, with his bottle in a paper bag. Needless to say the relationship did not last. Gee, I wonder why? I would come home so drunk to a person who was trying to get better and I didn’t care. I got so mad at him for getting better and I started getting more miserable. I still did not want to admit I was an alcoholic. When he kicked me out I was finally ready. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I called someone I had met thru this person in AA. I went to my first meeting only saying I was an alcoholic to try to get this man back. I thank God today that that never happened. I went in for the wrong reasons but stayed for the right reasons. I got honest with myself and finally surrendered to this disease. I got a sponsor, joined a home group and got active. I started to work the Twelve steps of this program. I finally found out who I was and what made me tick. Was it easy at first? No. I never had a “pink cloud”. I had to work very hard for my sobriety. I had to learn how to live life on life’s terms. I could no longer hide behind the drink and the drug. I started to learn how to handle feelings. I go through things today not around them. I thought my life was over when I came to AA. Boy was I wrong. If you asked me over 14 years ago what my life would be like today I would have sold myself short. God has blessed me with wonderful gifts. He has put wonderful people in my life, blessed me with two beautiful boys and a loving, patient, understanding husband. When I was little I thought God was a punishing God. With the catholic schooling I really believed I was going to burn in hell. I realize today that my God, who is my higher power, is a loving and gentle God. He has been there for me my whole life. I turned my back on Him. I am so glad I have the God that I have today in my life. I ask for his guidance and strength every day. I know that He is going to take care of me. What a wonderful feeling. With God in my life and my fellow alcoholics, I know that there is nothing that can happen to me today that would make me drink. Is my life perfect? No it is not. The only thing that was promised to me when I came to AA was that if I didn’t pick up a drink, I wouldn’t get drunk. So far that is true. I get a daily reprieve. What I try to do on a daily basis is to be the best person that I can. Today my life is beyond my wildest dreams. I will keep coming. |
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