 Prayer Beads And Recovery Jewelry Made Exclusively For The Twelve Step Community SHOPS {PRAYER BEADS {JEWELRY |
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{ ABOUT GWEN R. { ABOUT PRAYER BEADS { ADDICTIONS { CONTACT { HELP { LINKS { PRAYERS { STORIES { TWELVEBEADS SITES { USE OF PRAYER BEADS TWELVEBEADS PROUDLY SUPPORTS { SoberMusicians { SoberSources { TheSoberVillage { SoberTeensOnline ©GwenR2008 TwelveBeads is not affiliated with any twelve step program TwelveBeads Birth Date 9-24-2005 |
BACK They say never forget your last drunk. I have not told my story in awhile so to keep things green I will share my last day of drinking and the next day ~ my first meeting. My name is Gwen and I am an alcoholic. On July 8, 1991, what I thought was the first day of the new semester at The Art Institute of Philadelphia; I boarded the train from Yardley, Pa at the crack of butt to get to my first class on time. As I approached the school I knew right away I was off. On a normal school day the sidewalk in front of the building would be full of smoking art students in their little clicks sucking down the last puff before class. As I approached and saw the sidewalk empty of students I knew I messed up. I checked with the office to confirm, classes don’t start till July 9. Now what? I am fully awake in Philly with no classes. How will I fill my day? I jump on the next train back to Yardley, get in my car and drive over to Lambertville NJ to stop into a bar a friend of mine owns. What else would I do with all that free time but drink? I am the first one at the bar and my friend is setting up. I order a drink or a beer who knows at this point and I start another unpredictable journey. One by one people start to linger in and take seats at the bar. I start to drink with a man who sits next to me. After awhile he asks if I want to go up to the pool and go swimming. Sure, I am always game for more drinking with more adventure. We go to the pool, drink, swim and drink some more. Next we decide to hit another bar. At this point let me explain that over the past months I was questioning if I had a drinking problem. I had called the hotline while drunk one night and received a meeting list in the mail. On another drunken night I had circled a beginners meeting not even knowing what that even was. I just had a feeling I might be a beginner :) So on to the second bar, the two of us sitting ordering more drinks. But the problem on this particular day going into the night was I was not getting drunk the way I like to get drunk. I was still too clear for the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I begin to pick up the pace once I realized my thinking. Why am I sitting in this bar with a complete stranger? Why am I not wasted? I am an alcoholic? The words “I am an alcoholic” came out of my mouth with such puzzlement and too much awareness for me. Of course my new stranger friend insisted I was not. The drinks were really going down now and I could feel still. I had to get out of there. Going back to my current place of residence I grabbed a bottle of wine from the frig and continued on the mission to obliterate my thoughts. I could not get there. I felt pain. I was lying on the floor of the kitchen in the fetal position when my friend who owned the bar stopped in with a buddy. He looked at me and said “man you look like shit.” They left and I drank and felt and cried. I picked up the phone and called a woman I worked with. She is a mom of children my age. She knew how messed up I was allowing me to sleep off many many hangovers in the little back room of the boutique we worked in. We had been talking about my drinking for awhile although I could not tell you about any of those conversations in detail. I said to her “it’s time.” That was all I needed to say. She knew about the meeting list. She knew where that beginners meeting was. The next day she picked me up and off we went. It was a half hour ride to the club house we were headed towards and half way there I was full of panic. I told her to turn around I did not want to do it. My angel, my God given angel would not. She said to me “you are not getting out of this car till you get to that meeting.” We pulled into a tiny strip mall and to one shop that is not a shop. It is a room full of chairs with people lingering in and out of the room. We pull up right in front of the window and I see the people looking out at us. My angel walks me into the meeting and once I find a seat she leaves to wait for me in the car. I am so scared but in those early days I don’t even recognize fear. The meeting begins and they ask if anyone is new. I raise my hand and they give me a metal chip. On one side it has a triangle with 24 written on it and on the other the Serenity Prayer. As I read the words to the Serenity Prayer I cry and for the first time that I can think of I feel relief. While drinking I would frequently listen to Sinead O’Conner. One of her songs starts with the Serenity Prayer. That was the only connection I had to the prayer. It was the first of many links from my drinking to my recovery. I had to read a paragraph from the Big Book and it seemed to be the most daunting task. Mid meeting a pretty women who was fit with long wild hair came in. After everyone read people started sharing, I had never heard anyone ever express themselves to truly capture the feelings I had. I connected with some many people in that room. I was in awe. After the meeting they all told me to keep coming back. Wow, they must really like me :) I ran out to me friend in relief to get the first meeting under my belt. I continued going to meetings making more than 90 in the first 90. I have not found it necessary to take a drink since I walked in to AA on July 9, 1991. I continue to make meetings, call my sponsor, help others and work on my relationship with God. |
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