 Prayer Beads And Recovery Jewelry Made Exclusively For The Twelve Step Community SHOPS {PRAYER BEADS {JEWELRY |
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{ ABOUT PRAYER BEADS { ADDICTIONS { CONTACT { HELP { LINKS { PRAYERS { STORIES { USE OF PRAYER BEADS TWELVEBEADS PROUDLY SUPPORTS { SoberMusicians { SoberSources { TheSoberVillage { SoberTeensOnline { MillionDollarRecovery ©GwenR2008 TwelveBeads is not affiliated with any twelve step program TwelveBeads Birth Date 9-24-2005 |
BACK My name is Lili and I am an alcoholic & a drug addict. My parents divorced when I was about 2 yrs old most vivid memory is my father getting high and drunk every time my brother and I went to visit him in the city (every other weekend). I can remember as a child saying to myself I will never be like my father. Growing up I never felt like I fit in. I hated school, hated my new step father and really didn’t like myself. I craved the attention of my biological father and when my brother and I went to visit him he always seemed to have another girlfriend (always very tall, thin and beautiful). I can remember my first attempt to get my father’s attention (this I didn’t know at the time it’s all hindsight), I started starving myself. I thought that if I could look like the women he dated maybe he would pay attention to me. That only landed me in the hospital in 1986, diagnosed with Anorexia. I struggled with this for many years (and still do to this day). I tried committing suicide my sophomore year in high school and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a couple months. I was schooled while in treatment. My first introduction to drugs was on my way to school (I decided Not to go back to my high school and ended up in an alternative school). We stopped @ McDonalds and a “friend” of mine told me this white powder will help me lose weight. I instantly fell in love with it. I became a coke addict instantly. I tried treatment for the first time in 1987, to get my family off my back. I was living on my own but they knew what was going on. I was in for 28 days and within a week I was back using. It didn’t take long before I no longer had the apartment I was renting, car was repo, and I was on the streets of Paterson, NJ. I was hanging out in bars morning, noon and night. On April 25th 1989 I was finally arrested and put in jail. Of course who did I call to bail me out, my parents! I was once again sent to a rehab and this time I was facing serious indictable charges. I had a choice jail (3-5 yrs) or Alina Lodge (6 months). I was that stupid! I choose Alina Lodge and stayed there for almost TWO yrs! Some are sicker then others. I learned all about alcohol and drug addiction, A.A. God., 12 Steps. This was all new for me. Even though I had gone to rehab before I never paid attention. I had NO concept of a God or a Higher Power because I was not raised with one. When I saw God in the steps I was turned off because I thought it was a religious thing and I wanted no part of it, especially since I was Jewish and no one really liked Jewish people! I ended up working at a rehab and absolutely loved it. I got very active in service, joined a Speakers group, got a sponsor, 90/90, Steps, etc... By the Grace of God I stayed sober. In 1996 I decided I wanted to go back to school (since my addiction took that from me 10 yrs prior) and I moved from PA back to NJ (where I was originally from). I went to meetings, graduated from college and decided it was time to start dating and get a life! I was 30 at the time. I met someone, moved out of my area (about an hour South), went to a couple meetings, became real involved with my new relationship, got married, filed for divorce and started hanging out in bars drinking Diet Coke! Well, I really don’t have to tell you what happened next? I was in a bar (getting hooked up with some guy from the gym) and when we say in the program “there will come a time when the only thing between you and the drink is your Higher Power”, IT IS ABSOLUTLY TRUE!!!! By this time I forgot about God (or a higher power). I knew I had a problem with Coke (I mean it was illegal!), but alcohol I had no problem with Ever! I never liked to drink, I left my glass half full, and I didn’t believe I was powerless over it. Almost 13 years of sobriety out the window. I didn’t drink everyday after that or every weekend. I was in such denial about alcohol it was pitiful! I became very depressed the following year. I had my first suicide attempt in February 2003 and was hooked up with a line in March of the same year. The progression of the disease is insane! I was MUCH worse this time around. I couldn’t get enough. I ended up having 7 suicide attempts in 2003, couldn’t hold a job, went on long term disability, got arrested AGAIN! (Flat lined the very same morning). My condo was involved with in a fire May 2004 (no fault of mine) and I was left with NOTHING. I had no where to live, no possessions and I was physically, mentally and spiritually a mess. I checked into an extended stay and my addiction got worse. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I ended up going to meetings (still using), I was introduced to a women who is my age and who ended up being my sponsor. I decided to go into rehab because I just needed to get away. I was away for approx 10 days (that is all the insurance would pay!). I realized that I am not only powerless over drugs I am also powerless over alcohol and ALL mood and mind altering chemicals. I truly believe that it is only by the grace of God (my Higher Power) that I am still alive today. I never understood what my purpose was on this earth, today I do. I love helping other Alcoholics and Addicts. I not only go to a lot of meetings, I have a sponsor, and I work the Steps in my daily life. I sponsor other women and I try to carry the message of AA to other recovering (and suffering) addicts/alcoholics. It is much easier to stay sober then to come back into the rooms and get sober. I would never want to do this again. I do not believe I have another recovery in me. I choose to stay sober One Day at a Time with the help of my Higher Power and the people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anynomous. If I can do it SO CAN YOU!!!! |
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